Why the inner choice counts

And just like that... the friendship was over.

It started with having coffee in the same place. We discovered our love of language and our desire for moral values in society. It quickly felt familiar, and this new connection was an unexpected gift to me.

Every now and then, I sensed something wasn’t quite right. I would joke about it or let it go. Gradually, I started to pull back a little, while telling myself everything was okay.

Until something happened recently that made me feel: this doesn’t fit with friendship for me. I emailed her and left the door ajar, although deep down I already knew it was over.

My friend was more clear. She closed the door with a warm message sharing how happy she had been with our connection.

It upset me a bit. I will be missing things. My boundaries sometimes feel firm and sometimes soft. Bringing relationships to a proper close is a familiar learning point for me. I find it hard to truly let go when something is over. Trying to consider how it feels for the other person instead of feeling how it affects me to keep holding on.

We are living in times when friendships are shorter and more intense. Connections shift and sometimes they simply fade away. The point is that we haven’t learnt how to deal with this. Then it ‘hangs around’ with you for too long, while so many new, fun adventures await you.

My insight: a relationship that costs you more than it gives requires a choice. An inner choice. As Gary Zukav so beautifully writes in his masterpiece The Seat of the Soul: your intention determines the outcome of your actions. What you truly desire - not what you hope for or try to rationalise - steers the direction of your relationships. If you feel a clear ‘no’ inside and yet keep saying ‘yes’, something becomes unbalanced. In your energy, in your joy of life or in your peace of mind.

Taking leadership over yourself means facing this truth and choosing what feels right. However difficult that may be. It helps me to keep feeling the beautiful moments. Then someone becomes a gift who travelled with you for a while, rather than a loss that continues to tug at your heart.

In the inspiring Inner leadership program, we explore relationships that nourish you and connections that drain your energy. In your personal life and at work. We look at which stories within you truly resonate and which you can let go of to create new space for yourself.

If this resonates with you, you are welcome to start within 2 weeks. Book your introductory call via WhatsApp +31 6 42 69 70 16 or contact me with any questions.